Andrew Haskell Saves Television - August 18, 2019

The man who loves television more than anyone on the planet, Andrew E. Haskell, breaks down the week in TV in order to save and preserve the greatest medium in human history. He won't stop until you put him on TV.

Flipping Through

ESPN brought back the popular ESPN 8: The Ocho which included obscure sports such as Pizza Dough Tossing, Headis (Head Tennis, not competitive Felatio), and Sign Spinning. Next year the station is considering Timed Tax Return Trials, Binge Watching Biathlons, and the always controversial National Hockey League coverage.

Also on the ESPN airwaves was the Fantasy Football Takeover marathon. Programming was thin late in the marathon with advice such as “That Julian Edelman has a cute bum”, “That Raiders logo doesn’t look like a nice guy” and “So this is all on the computer?” provided by your aunt who is just happy to be in the family league.

Do you have Bachelor/Bachelorette fatigue as Bachelor in Paradise continues deep into the summer? Don’t tap out on us yet, the DNC is expected to use the same format to clear up the crowded Presidential hopeful field. As always, some fan favorites are expected to be back, or as I like to call it – future POTUS Demi.

Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Oakland Raiders, continued into its second week with a lot of talk of Antonio Brown’s White Walker feet and his illegal helmet (To avoid confusion, they are not outlawing all helmets – huge misstep). I have been told the Oakland Raiders weren’t necessarily HBO’s first choice, some other options, and the biggest miss being Hard Knocks: On the Job with Jeffery Epstein’s Suicide Watch Team.

In a shocking bit of news FX was playing a Marvel Cinematic Universe film, Captain America: The First Avenger. In the film Hayley Atwell (Agent Peggy Carter) presents the finest bit of acting, pretending to be breathtakingly attracted to Chris Evans (Steve Rogers), could you imagine actually being attracted to him?

TruTV’s cash cow Impractical Jokers saw the conclusion of their “chicken bone” whodunit side plot in a rare format bending episode of Impractical Jokers: After Party that the network named “At Least It’s Not The Carbonaro Effect, Right?”

Ronda Rousey will be a recurring guest star on the Fox drama 9-1-1. And from the looks of things Connor McGregor will be appearing frequently on Cops.

Chrisley Knows Best star Todd Chrisley was charged with Federal Tax Evasion this week bringing us all the sobering realization that he was getting paid.

Andrew’s Pitch to Disney+

DadTrooper – S1E1. In this mulit-camera sitcom Former Stormtrooper and absentee dad, Scott (Michael Rapaport), moves back in with his parent (Chevy Chase and Jane Curtin) to be closer to his kids. His son, Bobby, wants to skip college to become a Nerfherder and his daughter, Maddie, is dating….Jar Jar Binks??? Scott convinces his ex-wife, Susan, he deserves to be in his kids’ life and they need him, just as her new husband Brian the Ewok (Voiced by Kevin Nealon) announces his plans to move the family to Alderaan!

What to Watch This Week

The Local News: Isn’t it about time you learn what all your 60 year old neighbors are so angry about?

Guy’s Grocery Games (Food Network): This week’s episode of GGG is a grandmother themed episode. The first three words of the episode description are “Spunky grandmas compete”, if that doesn’t scream must see TV to you then go read a book because you are a lost cause.

The Affair (HBO): The 5th and final season of The Affair begins this week, if you haven’t watched it start it now and catch up. There’s no way this show can end as bad as the last HBO series finale you watched, right? Mmm, that’s some sweet low hanging fruit.