How Are We Going to Make It Through 2018 Without Game of Thrones?

Ring in the New Year, new year new me, use any positive New Year’s mantra you want, I’m actually a fan of the positivity that comes from the start of a new year. With that said however, we face one of the darkest years in recent memory in 2018, the year without Game of Thrones. HBO’s mega-hit fantasy series has captured our hearts and imaginations since it’s 2011 debut but it’s been all but confirmed we’ll have to wait until 2019 for its final season. That means no answers for a whole calendar year, we won’t know who will sit on the Iron Throne, we won’t know how the army of the living fares against the White Walkers and their army of the dead, and we won’t know if Tormund crawls out of the ruins of Eastwatch by the Sea to make sweet love to Brienne of Tarth. There are however a few ways we can bring little pieces of Westeros into 2018 with us. First, the Olympics are now until the death, television deaths are bound to see a decrease in 2018 with Game of Thrones off the air so we’re going to be creative with getting our tv carnage. So here’s the new Olympic format, the winner gets a gold medal, everyone else dies. It’ll be easy for sports like Hockey where the competitors have weapons in their hands as well as on their feet, for other sports like skiing and snowboarding we’ll have to hire stand in White Walkers to take out those that lag behind; my vote is we hire the Swedish military. Second, without the greatness of Game of Thrones to even out a lot of the garbage on tv, the average quality of tv across the board is going to take a hit. To even things out we’re going to have to just cancel some tv, just the barrel scraping material. Here are some of the cuts we’re going to make, CBS is only going to run for 13 hours a day, that’s enough to get in the local news, national news, Colbert, Corden, and maybe two color by number police procedurals. We can keep reality tv but we’ll have to cut it down to one subgenre of reality tv, if it was completely up to me I would choose reality shows that make former celebrities compete for embarrassingly little amounts of money. Finally, incest is not only now acceptable it is now encouraged, you know what this was a bad idea, happy New Year.